Fashion

In the first year of parenthood dressing the minions was easy, I'd put them in a onsie and repeat.   Now that they're older it's a little more complicated: there are a lot more accessories now that they're walking and the girl child wants some say in what she wears. This weekend I realized that if the fashion police showed up at daycare randomly, I'd be getting some tickets for the way I've dressed my children.*   I have mocked other parents for years about the ridiculous garbs they make their children wear and now I know, sadly that I am guilty of at least three fashion sins when it comes to our kids, but knowing is half the battle, right?

Toddler Fashion Crimes

Big Fat Party Animal
During the winter Jack wears jeans or cargo pants with brightly coloured shirts and t-shirts.  It's adorable.  Now that it's warm outside I realized that not only does he have wildly coloured t-shirts he's also the proud owner of several loud (albeit awesome) shorts.  Separately his T-Rex shirt and luchador mask shorts are amazing, when paired together he looks like he's going to tap a keg to funnel some beer or that he's on vacation but lost his fanny pack. 

The Laura Ingalls
Sometimes you want to dress your daughter up like Holly Hobby and that's okay, I've been there myself, but there's a line you don't want to cross.  When people think that you're daughter is an actor at Pioneer Village it's time to stop.  I also think there is an age expiration on this look.  Over ten, think again.

The Disco Stu
This one is tough to judge because we don't have crystal balls.  Did my parents know that my 1970's Super Chicken Halloween Costume (complete with bright red bell bottoms) would become dated?  I just don't know.  Just be sure to take lots of pictures so you have material for the slide show you make any potential suitors watch before they go on a date with your teenage children.

Thing One, Thing Two
This isn't just a twin thing, it can be used as a parental torture device for non multiple siblings as well.  I rarely put the minions in matching clothes or coordinating theme clothes, but I'm guilty of it sometimes (like for birthdays, Halloween or when I'm bored).  My mother also did this for my sister and I, who are five years apart in age.  Not only did this mean that we were wearing matching outfits for photo day it also meant that I'd receive something I'd already owned as a hand-me-down five years later and that my twelve year old sister was wearing the same thing as a seven year old on the same day.**

In coordinating Christmas Theme Outfits

Little Lolita
My friend KM recently lamented that she couldn't find any summer shorts for her 10 year old daughter that weren't "club wear booty shorts" so they end up going to a grown up store to make sure that her daughter didn't look like a street walker.  I'm fairly certain if Chris had his way Molly would be wearing turtlenecks and long pants until she turns 40.

Gilligan's Island Vs. the Trucker
Sun protection is important, unfortunately this means that you need to put your children in hats which means you have a choice: The Baseball/Trucker hat vs. the Tilly/Fisherman hat.  We've chosen to go fishing hat and my parents recently bought the minions matching berets from Paris, so we may have to mix this look up with some hipster chick.


What fashion crimes are you guilty of pushing onto your children?

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*Although the fuchsia kitten shirt is Molly's doing, not my own.
**The best three I can remember are: matching gingham dresses, Cosby sweaters with coordinating leg warmers and the coupe de gras red velvet capri pants with matching vests and bolo ties.

Toddler Creed

I recently saw this Toddler Creed and it made both Chris and I laugh because of its poignant truth.  When I tried looking it up on line I found various versions with similar wording, this one was posted on Circle of Moms.

Toddlers Creed
If it's mine, it's mine,
If it's yours, it's mine,
If I like it, it's mine,
If I can take it from you, it's mine,
If I am playing with something, ALL of the pieces are mine,
If I think it's mine, it's mine,
If I saw it first, it's mine,
If I had it then put it down, it's still mine,
If you had it then you put it down,  it's now mine,
If it looks like the one I have at home, it is mine,
If it is broken, it is yours!

I'm tempted to put in little twos to indicate that this motto not only doubles when you're raising twin toddlers, the sentiment is squared.  Below is a version with my own parental commentary:

Toddlers Creed
If it's mine, it's mine, Especially if it's a remote control, dad's contact case, mom's glasses, the phone or that expensive chachki that we were sure you couldn't reach.
If it's yours, it's mine, This includes property stolen from daycare, the doctor's office or nana and grampa's.
If I like it, it's mine, Even if I don't like it, as long as my sibling likes it, it's still mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine, And if I can't take it from you, I will scream and fight you for it with the strength and fury of a frat boy in a bar brawl.
If I am playing with something, ALL of the pieces are mine, Even if I have to eat them to keep them away from you.
If I think it's mine, it's mine, especially if it's boiling hot tea or mommy's "special juice" AKA wine.
If I saw it first, it's mine, If I saw it second it's mine, if I can't see it, but know it's there, it's still mine.
If I had it then put it down, it's still mine, Even if I have to hide that bottle, so it rots under the couch for five days before mom and dad find it.
If you had it then you put it down, it's now mine, Finders keepers, losers weepers, (I can't say that yet, but I mean it).
If it looks like the one I have at home, it is mine, And it's even better to play with if it makes you cry.
If it is broken, it is yours! Unless I can hit you with the shattered pieces, or eat them.


Have a great long weekend fellow Canadians!

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What, You've never seen a baby in a Richard Simmons wig telling a dog to talk to the hand before?

Once Bitten Twice Shy

Last week daycare had to have "the talk" with us.  We were on the other side (the bad parent side..womp, womp) of those infamous incident reports because the boy has been biting, and pinching, and hitting, and clawing his classmates.  We asked for suggestions, and were told 1) Talk to him about it and explain why it's probably not the best idea to play slap face, bite face, or fingernail face with other children and 2) redirection.  At home he gets a three to four minute shift in the penalty box for unnecessary roughness along with a stern lecture- at daycare they don't play by hockey rules, apparently.  They also said that there isn't much you can do at this age because he's still so young that he doesn't fully understand.

This weekend he bit his oldest cousin.  Yesterday morning at daycare drop off he ran into the playhouse and immediately smacked a little girl right in the face.  Her older sister yelled, "Don't hit my sister!" and belted him back.  It was glorious.  Chris and I not so secretly cheered her on, because we're big fans of playground vigilante justice.  Then at pick-up last night  I found out that he bit and scratched his ECE worker.*  They asked me to trim his nails.  I'm beginning to feel like a giant A-hole every time I drop off and pick-up the minions.  I'm scanning the room to investigate whether or not Cujo has attacked that day and caging bets on who his next victim will be.**

Cujo Sr. & Jr. Together Again

When I was a child my brother was a biter.  He would sink his teeth into my sister and I like we were a steak dinner.  Being ten and five we knew that you shouldn't bite your little brother, even when he was being an ankle biting jerk.  Family legend has it that one afternoon my mother was talking to a friend about the problems she was having with my brother Cujo Sr. and the friend explained how her children had stopped their younger sibling from biting by taking an arm each and biting back the biter back really hard to "Learn Em, Real Good".***  Apparently that kid stopped biting.  So, my sister and I took notes that day and the next time our little brother bit us we rolled up his sleeves and bit him as hard as we could.  My mother discovered this tooth mark surprise at the doctor the following day while Cujo Sr. was getting his shots.

I am a little embarrassed to admit that I have tried biting him back (lightly) and saying, "See it hurts".  Unfortunately he thinks it's hysterical and I'm not willing to take the game to the next level.  Molly isn't old enough to do the job for me, so I've written a job ad for what I need.

Does anyone know any four-five year olds, who take instruction well who will want to bite my son and teach him an important lesson, preferably without scarring him for life (physically and emotionally)?****  Alternately I could employ my brother for a whole cycle of life themed lesson regimen.  Maybe I can further entice him if I play The Circle of Life on loop while he's babysitting.

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*Way to directly bite the hand that feeds you buddy.
**Likely whoever is playing with the train set.
***I am fairly certain that none of my mother's friends are Larry the Cable Guy, but I'm going to run with it.
****I fear that children under four won't take instruction well and those over five may be missing teeth which will rob Jack of the true biting experience.